TEEN GUIDE TO SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

(co-authored with Matt Posner)

Should I undergo plastic surgery to look more attractive?

MATT:

I'd answer this question by making a distinction between plastic surgery and reconstructive surgery. Reconstructive surgery is done to repair damage or a deformity in the face. This is necessary for health and confidence and should always be done if it is safe. In contrast, plastic surgery is done to improve a person's appearance. It may or may not do that. The most common forms of plastic surgery are a nose job, making the nose smaller or more shapely, and a breast enlargement, inserting objects into the breasts to make them larger.

I'm against these most of the time. I don't think you need a small nose or big breasts to be loved or to be sexually attractive. Not everyone is attracted to every look, but girls who think they have big noses and small breasts can have completely satisfying romantic and sexual lives because there are boys out there who will like how they look or will like their personalities so much that the girl's appearance won't be so important.

Plastic surgery for young people is about insecurity and wanting to fit in. A girl may think that if she has bigger breasts, boys will like her, or that if her nose were smaller, she would be more admired. She may think she is ugly and that plastic surgery is necessary to make her beautiful. However, a genuine smile or a laugh can make even a relatively unappealing face attractive. I have met plenty of women over the years whom I did not consider attractive but who had husbands and children. Confidence, happiness, and sincerity are attractive. Being in good health helps, too. Your physical look does matter, and some girls get overlooked while others get a lot of attention, but eventually, this always sorts itself out.

Boys, I can only tell you this: any girl who likes you, and who you like, feels good when you touch her. There's a kind of thrill when people who are attracted to each other touch. Her look doesn't indicate how good the sexual experience is. Instead, it's how comfortable you feel together and whether you like to do the same things.

JESS:

Plastic surgery is very acceptable to many people nowadays, and is placed in the same category as make-up by some individuals (plastic/cosmetic surgery = "beauty in the 21st century").

I think there are certain physical features that can be a source of annoyance, in terms of looks/appearance (asymmetrical features, for example). There are certain industries where looks play a premium too (acting and modeling, most notably).

The trouble with plastic surgery is that there is a tendency for it to be seen as a quick-fix solution, which lends an addictive kind of appeal to the procedure as well. Bullied because of the bump on your nose? No matter--one can get it shaven down by a trained plastic surgeon. Fearful of developing wrinkles in future? No worries--one can begin getting Botox treatments as a preventive measure during their late teens or early twenties.

Plastic surgery is still a form of surgery, with a number of risks involved. I think it's up to a person to decide if plastic surgery would make them feel better about themselves, though I'd think about it a little bit more and decide how much importance I place on beauty and physical attractiveness.

The mainstream media tends to promote shallow values over real values that could actually make a difference to society (kindness, acceptance, social justice). Perhaps it's a natural tendency to pick at one's own perceived imperfections (to the point of "body dysmorphic disorder"), from constantly viewing standard images of culturally accepted forms of beauty everywhere (models are physically perfect by being much taller and much skinnier than average, for example).

Looks eventually fade though--aging is a part of life. One might spend a lot of money and/or many hours a day (or week/month) on looks, but those hours are not going to help a person become a better person.

I was socially awkward at times throughout my teenage years, though plastic surgery was never something I seriously considered. I took the time to learn more about the world and other cultures, and try out all sorts of hobbies in my free time. I think a genuine smile goes further than something plastic (unless that's the type of lifestyle you ultimately aspire to be part of).

I've always thought that there's more to human life than external looks. One has a mind and personality and heart to cultivate. I think these things deserve as much, if more attention, than one's physical appearance. Just because vain and shallow values are prevalent doesn't mean they're good values for society. And you don't have to buy into any message or brand or product, if you decide not to.