"MY INNER GODDESS" (Fifty
Shades of Grey Parody)
UPDATE : I have "retired" this title (along with some others from my catalog) as I don't really feel it reflects my identity as a writer anymore.
A lot of my sentiments can be viewed via my article on
quality sexual literature :)
Regardless, I have left the original product page for this parody below. The parody is also available for purchase through Smashwords, for folks who are interested in its contents...
~ Jess C Scott
* * *
When literature student Bell-Ana Steale goes to interview the dazzlingly
rich/powerful/handsome Christiano Gaynaldo (i.e. "Big G"),
she encounters an Edward Cullenesque obsessive lover who she instantly
desires as Her Man.
Shocked yet thrilled by Gaynaldo's kinky erotic tastes, Bell-Ana's inner
goddess is primally driven by the all-consuming need to be with a dominant
Dark Knight who will make her feel complete. As Big G's dark secrets
from the past are uncovered, Bell-Ana must decide for herself how far
she's willing to go and how much she's willing to risk. Can love really
Cool, cunning, and intelligently amusing, My Inner Goddess
is a devious satire that explores how far we're willing to go to answer
GENRE: Satire / Parody
LENGTH: 51,000 Words (novel)
NOTE: One of the subplots in this story features open, honest
dialogue that leads to healthy relationships of two equal partners--which,
as Carey Purcell writes in her Fifty
review, is "sexier than anything that can happen in the Red
Room of Pain."
* This story is available in Box Set (Parodies).
* * *
DEDICATION: For our inner gods/goddesses.
[List of Characters]
Bell-Ana Steale (female protagonist)
Christiano Gaynaldo (Bell-Ana's love interest)
Gloria Steinam (Bell-Ana's mom)
Elle Helle James (Fifty Shades author)
Mr. Dom (publisher)
Ms. Zeri ("Misery") (editor)
Tristan Mann; Imogen Savage (Bell-Ana's neighbors exploring BDSM
in their relationship)
Structure: A Story in 8 Parts
* * *
I inhale his sexy Christiano smell.
And he brings out that gray tie of his that he's always wearing
or has nearby...and wraps it around my neck.
Right now? my inner goddess manages to weakly mumble. Here?
I watch as he pulls both ends of the tie--OMG!--tighter and
tighter and tighter.
I flush. This is intense.
* * *
* Debuts on Amazon.com Bestseller List!
(#66 in Kindle eBooks > Humor > Parodies | 2 August 2012)
* * *
"...I took this [Jess's Twilight Parody]
as meaning that you can never be satisfied with the superficial and
worldly (commercial) approach to books but see yourself as above that
and expect books to put you in touch with a deeper, more spiritual side
of life. Hence the need to write a parody."
-- Reader/Customer, U.K. | April 2012
"Jess C Scott smartly chooses her words to really give an electrifying
effect to readers...this is a work that will instigate revolution against
literary mediocrity and mundane novels. I highly recommend this to people
who love books and who hate bad literature!"
-- Hail Gil (Review on Literary Heroin:
A Twilight Parody)
"A hilarious catharsis."
-- Kristopher Miller, Author of The
"Inventive, savvy and smooth, with a postmodern kick."
-- Matt Posner, Co-Author of Teen Guide
to Sex and Relationships
"Just read Real Love Versus Romance...loved
the ideas & compilation of ideas...great!! :) i agreed with many of
the points of how romance has been commercialized for effect instead
of portraying the actual depth of true romance...i roll my eyes at what
is considered "love stories" nowadays...even being a guy (haha), i can
appreciate a story that portrays real love & shows depth in what romance
is (means)....a lot has been lost to appease a tween generation or to
generally confuse people of all ages on the expectations of romance..."
-- P.H. / Chesapeake, OH (April 2012)
"You have been a really courageous writer to write about subjects
many would have never dared writing about and those are real issues
and problems to an extent. I am really proud of you. Keep up the good
-- R.V. / Male, India (June 2012 / FB Message)
"I like the way you write and the way you think. I like your works.
Nicely written with some complex issues handled nicely :D"
-- T.B. / Female, Singapore (June 2012 / FB Message)
* * *
This story was inspired by the following Amazon thread:
all members of the BDSM community...
Jess has had a long-time interest in bondage and the power dynamics
in a BDSM-type relationship.
2) Here's a very concise/important article on Sexuality
vs. Sensuality (written by Virginia Stewart-Avalon, M.Ed.).
* * *
UPDATES--CRITICAL REVIEWS OF FIFTY SHADES:
Katie Roiphe says in an article for Newsweek (2012):
"...most alarming about the Fifty Shades of Grey phenomena,
what gives it its true edge of desperation, and end-of-the-world ambience,
is that millions of otherwise intelligent women are willing to tolerate
prose on this level."
Roiphe / Newsweek
Relationship expert, Dr. Drew Pinsky (2012):
"Why women would pick this up as any sort of substitute for
intimacy or any sort of model for a reasonable relationship, I find
just sort of disturbing."
-- Dr. Drew: '50 Shades of Grey' pathological, poorly written
UPDATE (13 March 2012):
Christine Sheehy at The New Zealand Herald:
" It's easy reading and if you like things a little bit raunchy
and can suspend your disbelief and your desire to - if you'll pardon
the expression - slap the heroine for having so little self respect,
you might enjoy it."
Sheehy / The NZ Herald
UPDATE (2 April 2012):
Andrew O'Hagan at London Review of Books:
"They are buying the books because the books invite them to
be submissive too, not to punishment, but to a 1980s-style dominance
of money and power and products."
O'Hagan / London Review of Books
UPDATE (12 April 2012):
Alexandra Petri at ComPost:
"And so this happens. It was only a matter of time. First we
lose our shame, and then E. L. James' magnum opus shoots up to the
top of the charts and refuses to leave. Our seamy underbelly is there,
in the New York Times Bestsellers, for the whole world to see."
Petri / Washington Post
UPDATE (3 May 2012):
Molly Wetta, public librarian:
"But in an age where there is so much choice of material, when
it's so rare that people are reading the same thing that the Pulitzer
board can't even decide on a work of fiction to honor, I'm disappointed
that this is the book that everyone is talking about, that
this is the one that is sparking a national conversation."
/ Wrapped Up In Books
UPDATE (16 May 2012):
Erica Jong, renowned novelist and poet:
"Classics last. This 'book of one hand,' as the French say,
won't. Neither will the money."
Jong / New York Social Diary
UPDATE (1 June 2012):
Katrina Passicks Lumsden's review, with 16,000+ 'likes' on GoodReads:
Fifty Shades's core message [is] that, given enough time,
you can change someone. While I don't have any problem with this if
all you're trying to do is help them to lose weight or quit smoking,
when you're talking about an emotionally and (dangerously close to)
physically abusive relationship, sending that kind of message is ridiculous
How many misguided women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally
retarded prick because they've read shit like this and think this
kind of fairytale will come true for them? I've known women with this
mentality:"Oh, he's so dark and dangerous and threatening, but
he's got a sad, lonely side, and if I could just figure out what's
wrong, I could change him!"
UPDATE (4 June 2012):
Mary Hastler at Harford County Library:
"But as she read E.L. James' erotic novel, Fifty Shades
of Grey, on her iPad, Hastler couldn't reconcile its words with
the Harford County Public Library's policy not to buy pornography.
UPDATE (4 June 2012):
Mary Fischer at The Mommyologist:
"My real problem with the book has to do with how totally unbelievable
Ana and Christian's relationship is."
UPDATE (23 June 2012):
Kathryn Casey at Forbes.com:
"What I find unsettling is that in Christian Grey I see the
attributes of so many of the men I've written about over the years,
the ones who abuse and sometimes even end up murdering their intimate
partners. . ."
'Fifty Shades Of Grey' Dangerous?
UPDATE (9 July 2012):
Pamela Stephenson Connolly, clinical psychologist and psychotherapist
who specialises in treating sexual disorders:
"These novels are wrong to demonise people whose erotic style
embraces bondage, domination and sadomasochism."
Stephenson Connolly / Sydney Morning Herald
UPDATE (10 July 2012):
Violet Blue, investigative tech reporter and award-winning sex author
"There's so much responsible and hot BDSM romance out there,
dear readers. Such a shame that this one was the breakthrough."
Blue / TinyNibbles.com
UPDATE (22 August 2012):
Avital Norman Nathman says on HLN:
"Let's approach the topic of female sexuality head on, like
it deserves to be discussed--with respect, dignity, and a few less
insights from Ana's "inner goddess."
deserve better than '50 Shades of Grey'
UPDATE (26 August 2012):
Noman Ansari on The Express Tribune:
"If erotic passages are meant to induce an almost impossible
combination of disbelief, cringing and inadvertent hilarity then,
by all means, Fifty Shades of Grey is the most erotic novel
Ansari / Express Tribune
UPDATE (29 August 2012):
Jennifer Hamady, voice coach and counselor:
"Yet choice is a tricky concept when it comes to young people–
and those of any age– who blur the lines of love, lust, insecurity
and the desire for validation. This book blurs those very lines, providing
readers with an implausibly happy ending to an unhappy, unhealthy,
and all too common tale."
Shades of Concern / Psychology Today
UPDATE (27 September 2012):
Dr. Peggy Andover, and Dr. Colleen Jacobson:
"From the beginning of the series, Christian Grey's need to
control Ana Steele is unmistakable. . .These events are explained
away as romantic, as products of Christian's intensity, his wealth,
his need to control, his childhood abuse. But they are not romantic,
nor are they justifiable. They are hallmarks of intimate partner violence
Shades: Expanding the Conversation From Sexy to Safety
UPDATE (9 October 2012):
Sir Salman Rushdie:
"I've never read anything so badly written that got published.
It made 'Twilight' look like 'War and Peace.'"
Salman Rushdie / The Telegraph
UPDATE (21 November 2012):
Russ Linton, author and former FBI investigator:
"How is Fifty Shades "not bad?" Have literary standards
REALLY sunk that low? Porn, written by a woman, coattailing Twilight.
If a man had written it, he'd be labeled a mysoginistic a$$hole, and
it might still sell millions, cause it's porn."
UPDATE (2 January 2013):
Carey Purcell says in an article on Huffington Post:
"I sincerely hope that honest discussion will be had about the
book and that the Christian Grey ideal of romance is not one that
will be perpetuated throughout our culture. The best way that can
happen is through open, honest dialogue that leads to healthy
relationships of two equal partners. That, in my opinion,
is sexier than anything that can happen in the Red Room of Pain."
Purcell / Huffington Post
UPDATE (26 March 2013):
Jessica Reaves at Chicago Tribune:
"Regardless of our tastes, I hope we can all agree on this much:
We deserve better than this."
of Fifty Shades / Chicago Tribune
UPDATE (2 May 2013):
Paul Beimers, critic:
"Christian Grey is not an attractive, desirable, likeable, or
sympathetic love interest. Anastasia Steele is a pathetic excuse for
a heroine and is a disservice to strong female characters everywhere."
Beimer: Fifty Shades Review
UPDATE (17 June 2013):
Janet Grant, literary agent and founder of Books & Such Literary
"I found the negative Amazon reviews of Fifty Shades insightful
and well expressed. From the few chapters of the book I read, I agree
with the insights those reviews provided."
Fifty Shades Effect
UPDATE (17 June 2013):
Barbara Taylor Bradford, the doyenne of women’s fiction whose 27 novels
have sold 88 million copies worldwide, says:
"...Taylor Bradford also admonished 'hero' character Christian
Grey [in the Fifty Shades trilogy] as 'every woman's worst
nightmare, although he's rich'."
UPDATE (12 August 2013):
Russell Stambaugh, clinical psychologist who chairs the AltSex Special
Interests Group of the AASECT:
"Lots of people read things that sound sexy in fantasy, but
are not so safe or fun in reality. Or they are only fun for the technically
skilled. . .I do worry that new participants won't get the education
Stambaugh / US News
UPDATE (12 August 2013):
Amy E. Bonomi, lead author of a study on Fifty Shades, published
in the Journal of Women's Health:
"This book portrays a relationship steeped in intimate partner
violence...[and] is a glaring glamorization of violence against women."
-- Amy Bonomi / US
News and Academy
of Women's Health
UPDATE (3 September 2013):
Leah Pickett, pop culture writer, editor, and digital producer:
"The best erotica lies in what we cannot see, teasing with innuendo
and allowing our imaginations to piece together the rest. For example,
the phone scene in It's a Wonderful Life, when Jimmy Stewart
presses his body against Donna Reed's and takes in the aroma of her
hair, contains more sexual tension than any of the mass-marketed kink
from Fifty Shades."
on film: why we deserve better than
"Fifty Shades of Grey"
UPDATE (7 February 2014):
Lily Zheng, president of Kardinal Kink at Stanford:
"Kink and the BDSM community that is inevitably associated with
it are two things that most people know only in the context of terrible
porn or some mixture of the two. . .Don't talk to me about Fifty Shades
of Inaccurate Depiction--that doesn't count."
Zheng / Static Journal, Stanford (Page 22-23)
UPDATE (10 February 2014):
Marion Lennox, Mills & Boon author:
"I think Fifty Shades of Grey has taken us back a bit
to the bodice rippers (of the 1980s), made it seem titillating, and
pushed women back to feeling ashamed about reading romance."
Lennox / Daily Telegraph
UPDATE (8 April 2014):
Sreemoyee Piu Kundu, journalist and novelist (Hachette India):
"Unfortunately in India our closest contemporary reference point
for 'erotic' is the recent Western import 50 Shades of Grey
or some chick-lit that parades as writing on sex, sometimes bordering
on nothing but porn, as erotic writing. If we could resurrect erotic
literature to the status it once enjoyed in our own cultural consciousness--the
experience will be sublime, strong and sensuous."
Piu Kundu / New Indian Express
UPDATE (15 May 2014):
Nick Shamhart, author and public speaker:
"The thing is Americans can only shoulder so much of the blame
for the plummet in reading statistics. The greed and foolishness of
the publishing industry bears the Atlas-sized weight of it. When you
trade quality for scandal, sensationalism, and a quick buck as publishers
have, why should the people take the blame?
For too long the major publishing houses have been in control of what the world was supposed to read. They were (and still are) falsely considered judges of literature, gatekeepers for the art of storytelling. But they are a business. Never forget that. Money drives the machine, nothing more."
a Better Read Than "Fifty Shades of Grey"
UPDATE (19 May 2014):
William Giraldi, author/essayist and lecturer at Boston University:
"You might recall that Fifty Shades originated on a
“fan fiction” Web site devoted to those other crimes against language,
the Twilight books. . .a nation’s reading habits have something
potent to say about that nation’s character."
Giraldi / New Republic
* * *
The 'love' essay/page of Real
Love Vs. Romance contains more quotes on commercialism's de-spiritualizing
effects on society.
* * *
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